Rebuilding

Well it's taken a while to drum up the courage to tell the story of the last few weeks. So Jersey Horse Park 2 weekends ago was a mess. Dressage was awesome again and we were in 1st on a 31. Warming up for stadium was a joke...first of all they decided to drag and water the ring in the middle of the warmup and jammed everything up. Then there was some of the worst riding I've ever seen. There were poles and standards flying all over the ring...horses stopping everywhere. Then there was this one horse that was totally not ready to be going Training...waaay too green of a horse AND rider...she was basically riding in the fetal position....Seth said he was afraid to even be in the ring. Legacy seemed unphased by it and we had an ok warmup. Well we head into the ring and he just was jumping awful and took down the first 2 rails...hard. Then we came around the corner to jump 3 and I gun him for the long stride, he puts in another one, I end up halfway up his neck, he stops...I keep going forward and land on my head...also taking his bridle off with me. So that ended our day. More good news...

So on Monday down to the vet he went to get scoped for ulcers, which was my latest theory. We get there and Chuck is scoping him and all of a sudden he starts chewing on something...after about a minute they pull the scope out and somehow it had gotten in his mouth and he had almost chewed through it...and his nose is bloody from when they pulled out this mangled wire. So no answers and he had been fasting for a day. So they call and get me into New Bolton. We get there and it takes about 15 minutes to scope him and get pictures and everything goes really smooth. The vet was terribly impersonal and really didn't say much. He said he saw slight ulceration, but usually doesn't diagnose ulcers. Ok still no answers and now I'm thinking that the horses last excuse for being an idiot is not valid. So finally on Wednesday I catch up with Chuck and he tells me he completely disagrees with the vet at New Bolton and sees severe ulceration and some sort of chronic buildup of kerotin which is causing his stomach to be a yellowish color. So he gives me the treatment plan for Gastrogard for the next 3 months, which thank goodness the insurance will be paying for. So I was really, really relieved that something is wrong with Legacy and perhaps we can work back up...I just wish I could get the last 2 months back. So I finally got the medicine yesterday and he's had 2 days of it. I rode tonight for the first time since the show and he seemed a lot less grouchy. He had been getting really cinchy with the girth and he wasn't as bad about that tonight. He also was having hissy fits when I'd try and canter to the left and he was better tonight as well...I didn't do too much, but when I did ask for a canter there was a slight flick of his ears but nowhere near as vindictive as he was. Maybe it's me trying to be positive because I don't want to lose my horse, but I'm hoping this works.

So not sure what the plan is here for the fall. I was supposed to run at Waredaca this weekend, but it's not worth risking another bad experience when I've just started the medicine. Unfortunately the organizer won't respond to me about a potential refund or using the $ for the October event, so I think I'm out the money, but it's much better than trying to force something. I need to now rebuild our trust in each other and I can't rush that. He's good enough that if this was the problem we'll be right back where we were in no time. I'm hoping I can do some schooling stuff at the beginning of September and get some confidence back and end at a few recognized in October. My only goal is having positive experiences for the next few months.

We've also been casually looking for another horse just as a backup plan. We are taking our time after the Elmer incident, but I figure it can't hurt to have another young project and it's not a bad thing if things work out with Legacy and I start another one in the pipeline. Seth could use the experience riding a more athletic horse too, so it won't go to waste.

I guess good news, but still a tough time until I get a final verdict. It certainly is a difficult sport when you're dealing with an animal that can't tell you what's wrong or if he's hurting. I know with Legacy's personality anytime anything is wrong with him it will come through in his attitude. It's a good thing in the sense we should know something's wrong, but it's very easy to just write it off as a crappy attitude and he's lost his will. I really hope that's not the case, but this is the last try for me and him. I can't keep going through the disappointment time after time. I still have my own goals and as much as I'd love for them to happen with Legacy, I still have to keep MY dream in check and not sacrifice it to try and make a horse that doesn't want to do it. I'm still not convinced Legacy doesn't want to do it though...he was so awesome at Fairhill Prelim and he really seemed to attack the challenge...so only time will tell if we can get back there.

Week of Reflection

Well after a week of ups and downs emotionally (mostly downs), I believe I have figured out a plan for the future of Legacy and I. Many thoughts have run through my head on how to handle this situation...from giving up to completely ignoring it...and I think I've done both throughout the last 2 months. Moving forward I am going to try and enjoy all of the good things about Legacy and about my life. I need to see the positives without being oblivious to the negative...I believe the word is realistic. Eventing is a difficult sport and many pros think there is no place for amateurs at the top. I say that is an opinion and I'm not going to even entertain other's opinions....they are insignificant in my quest. This has been a rough patch, but it's not the end. I am still learning with Legacy and even if Prelim isn't in our near competition future, I am not going to be wasting my time. The thing is, Prelim is in our future for training so I am still learning to ride at that level, maybe just not compete right now. Back to the plan, I'm going to try and enjoy being around Legacy and not pick fights all the time...he still is a pretty amazing horse and I can't forget what he's taught us or what success he brought me last season. We need to get along and rebuild our relationship. I am going to try and make his workouts more fun and have more variety in case some of these issues were due to being burned out. I have some ideas, but I'm mainly trying to just stick with my gut right now and do what I think is right. My family has been super supportive, but only I know what I need to do to get through this, so it rests on my shoulders and I've accepted it now and I'm ready to move on, whether it be forward or backward.

Legacy the Brat

Well the problem has certainly been identified after this weekend's show at Loch Moy Farm....Legacy is a huge brat!! I'm not sure what caused his mental breakdown over the past month and a half, but something has definitely got him buggered. Here's the story...we ran Training this weekend and I was just worried that he would shut down regardless of the size of the fences. We started out with a 33.2 in dressage...not our best, but solid...we were in 4th. Then we had a 4 hour break in the sweltering heat until we jumped. In stadium warmup he didn't want to go forward, but after a few swift kicks he was fine and we were going. He was fine in the ring and the round was smooth...we pulled the last rail, which was a planked vertical, but I think it was my fault for not making enough of an adjustment after I got a long spot to the oxer that was 5 strides out from the vertical...ok fine. So then we go to XC warmup. Well all the jumps were facing the trailers and such, so he's fine to the jumps, but when I turn to gallop away, he pins his ears and doesn't want to move forward. So the first jump is on a bend away from the trailers and then the next 3 jumps are directly away from everything...so my gut tells me I'm going to have a problem. By the way, it was different walking the Training course, all the jumps looked tiny, which helped me as you'll see once I finish my story. So we get over the 1st jump and heading to the 2nd, he's really sticky, swapping leads and not going forward. I get him over that one and really try and kick him forward where he proceeds to have a bit of a fit and starts hopping and is barely going forward...we are in the middle of the field. After his 1st temper tantrum I get him over #3 which was a house into the woods. Then he was great over the next few...I was worried about #5 and 6 which was a rolltop with an awful approach to a downbank. Well I never got straight and I rode it terrible, but he was a champ and did it himself. If there was a place I thought he would be a jerk it would've been there. Then through the first water he's great. Then I had to make a right turn, again away from the trailers and other horses, and now he really has a tantrum. The next fence was a big brush with a ditch...about 4 strides out he stops swings his butt around and is just being an idiot. So this time I DID NOT go for my whip, but instead just squeezed. He trotted forward and took the brush basically with very little moment (the loser certainly is talented...ugh, frustrating). Well then we had a little talk on our gallop to the next fence (that did include the whip). He was great the rest of the course...it was too easy. Once I got him going I decided I wasn't really going to slow him down, so we came in 30 seconds under the Optimum time...with the heat and everything I feel confident he's in good shape. He still had a lot left at the end of the course. I wasn't sure if the jump judges were going to give me a stop and 20 penalties for our little fight, even though it had nothing to do with the jump, but they didn't and we ended up in 3rd.

So now I know what the problem is. I still don't know if he was hurting at Rubicon and it contributed to the stops, but that course was going directly away from everything as well and was close to the trailering area. So now we are thinking that we need to get him to places where XC is farther away...i.e. Morven and Fairhill were all far away from earlier in the season. I'm also thinking that maybe he'd be better over a few days to try and mitigate his laziness and make him be able to mentally get through all phases over a few days instead of crammed into one day. It's tough because the costs go up considerably for multiple days because of stabling. So I accomplished what I needed to this weekend...we didn't get eliminated and I got him around XC. We also identified the problem and hopefully we can find a way to fix it. It's difficult because this isn't a training issue that I could work on, so we just have to drag him to shows and see if we can work this out of him.

Positive Reinforcement

We took the boys to Bucks County Horse Park this morning for some XC fun. We met Matt, Tracy and Jen there...unfortunately 3 out of 5 of the pairs were lame in some fashion...2 horses and 1 person thanks to Seth's circular saw incident. So Tracy and I got to run around and get all sweaty. After Jen's horse Gully decided to stop flipping out because he could only walk, we got down to business. Legacy was a maniac...in a good way. I barely had to use any leg and was having more trouble stopping him than anything. It was good to feel that again....I felt like I could've pointed him at anything and he would've been fine. There's not too much scary stuff there, so we just hopped around some tables and such and everything was really easy for him. Tracy had a breakthrough when she got Skyy over the Trakehner...her last horse had a ditch problem, but Skyy couldn't care less...no hesitation at all. He was certainly proud of himself as he should be!! There really was only one combo for us to work on...a double up bank left bend to a table. It was so smooth...I felt like I had so much time after the banks to get to the table which is a good feeling....I think it's 3 or 4 strides, and we've been working on bending lines. We had a jump workout at home last night with bending lines. Satan's S-curve exercise was set up and then I set up our skinny chevron bending line to a corner using a barrel and 2 standards. I had the jumps pretty low 2'9" or so, so he was having no trouble with anything and I'd say rushing more than anything. So I guess we're back on the seesaw...going from rushing to stopping. I just never know what horse I'm going to have on any given day. This was a good step for us and a straightforward, positive schooling which will hopefully carry through to next weekend.

Back to Work

Well after a week off getting ready for the Kelset Farm BBQ, we were back to work. We had a mini workout on Saturday since Seth's buddy from college came down and took some photos of us riding. I cannot wait to see them...he's awesome and is really talented, so hopefully I wasn't concentrating too hard in the pics!! But last night we rode under the lights since it's miserably hot out and he was really full of himself. Very active movement considering it was 100°. Then this morning I decided to try and beat the heat and take him for a trot. Well it wasn't as hot, but the bugs were terrible. Luckily the back field was mowed, so it was better, but we both came home with welts on us from bites.

It's been tough... I'm not feeling that confident right now about him and I'm focusing only on all his issues. Every time we fight and it's a struggle to get him to respond to one of my aids, I feel like giving up. I'm just dreading the next show and don't know what to do about it. I think I need miles and training just to get confidence and I think a little bit I feel like I'm trying to move too quickly after the disasters. I'm hoping I'm just stressed out and annoyed at the hot weather and I will get re-motivated. We are going to go to Bucks this weekend and hopefully I'll have a strong ride to boost my confidence. Unfortunately I lost my riding partner since Seth tried to cut off his finger with a circular saw and had to have surgery. He won't be riding seriously for over a month, so Legacy and I will have some alone time any time we want to go off the property. So we are trying to get through this, but it's a lot tougher this time because I had higher hopes and more plans for us this year. Things went so smooth last year I didn't put limitations on our success. Now that I'm faced with a potential limit, I'm struggling to accept it and decide what to do about it. Plus I jump ten steps ahead instead of dealing with the immediate problem. I pretend to be a pessimist so I never have to be disappointed, but with this I was hopeful and I'm getting burned. So now I'm compensating by being over-pessimistic and incredibly negative about everything, but it's killing my motivation and confidence. More updates to come...blogging sure is therapeutic :).

~Kelly

More Disappointment

Well yesterday didn't go as well as planned. Dressage was ok, we got a 37, but who cares about dressage at this point. Stadium was unbelievable...he was jumping really, really well and my eye was there and it was just a smooth, beautiful round...one of the best ever. I didn't have much time to walk the XC course and the whole day was fairly rushed. I knew the water was going to be tough...there was a rolltop a few strides to a little log jump into the water...but the water complex was dark and in the woods, and we've had trouble with that before. Well he started off a little sticky on XC...at fence three I reached back and gave him a tap and then we were good. The next four fences were a breeze...again, he was jumping amazing and I could just sit and balance. Well then we get to the water...he jumps the rolltop in and slams on the brakes at the little log. There was a slight moment where I thought he was going to go, but I missed it. So I whipped him, which ticked him off and then I couldn't get him in. So we didn't make it around...again :(. I don't know if I would've just let him look and push him if he wouldn't have jumped in...or if I would've just turned him around and trotted him at it...he just gets so mad when I hit him and he shuts his brain down. I could have just taken him into the water to get his feet wet to try and help him, but I didn't think of that...lesson learned I guess. So, I'd say it was better than Rubicon because I think he was hurting, but whatever happened has gotten into our heads....and now he's stopping again. He's just not the same horse as last year all of a sudden...last year I could've pointed him at anything and there was no hesitation. Now he's so unsure of me and the trust and confidence are lacking on both our parts. So, we're going back to Training. Sometimes I feel like I'm making excuses, but he's so talented and we just keep having these ups and downs. Right now I'm just dreading that this is going to permeate into Training Level and then I don't know what we do. I know I need to have confidence and believe in him, but it's hard when I've invested my heart and it keeps getting broken. He's so talented that he could do any level, but it's a matter of his head and heart and mine too. Right now I just feel a bit defeated and hope we can bounce back. I tend to get more motivated when there are problems, but there are days where I certainly want to give up (yesterday and today are some of those days). I just have to work through it. I have to believe that I'm not wasting my time with him and know that I'm a better rider because of all of this and it will help me for my next horse whenever that is. I also need to know that I don't need to rush through the levels and I need to take my time and really build my confidence. I had the confidence up until Rubicon, but I wasn't ready to back down in case it was just a physical problem. We'll be checking the schedule today and determining our next moves. Hopefully schooling in the next few weeks and get some positive experiences. I guess the good news is that I have some more vacation now because all of the shows that I was going to travel to are off the books, so I guess that's some silver lining. Hopefully my next post won't be so depressing....

Annoyed at Farmers

So we tried to go for a trot tonight after some light flatwork and the field behind us still hasn't been cut and hayed. We get back there and I try and trot Legacy through it and it's past his shoulders and there are biting flies everywhere and then there are deer beds all throughout which are spooking him, so I said forget it and we turned around and came back. Now that the corn is coming in my shortcuts to be able to trot from our house back to the field are closed and there are more roads, so more walking. It was really frustrating. Then we tried to just trot back the farm lane, but there are huge rocks everywhere and the ground is extremely hard. I couldn't win tonight, so Cody and Legacy got somewhat of a light conditioning, but I definitely need to step up the workouts again. I guess we'll have to start taking them to Marsh Creek...we would've tonight if we weren't trying to remodel the outside of our house in 2 weeks...

Our flatwork this week just needs to be focused on getting him to respond to my leg, both laterally and forward/back. He got fairly sensitive to it tonight, but I laid into him pretty good. I'm trying to remember not to give him any slack with responses at all and making sure he is doing what I'm asking. Sometimes he goes into my leg instead of away from it and that's when he needs a hard lesson because he can't do that.....CAN NOT!! So we'll be working on that this week. Hopefully it will help our leg yields next weekend!!